Ashley Cole may be a fine footballer, but he wouldn’t win any medals for his ability to concoct plausible explanations for his licentious behaviour. When it was revealed a model had been sent naked photographs of the Chelsea and England player from his mobile phone, Cole said he had given the phone to a friend, who had passed it on to someone else. In other words, “It wasn’t me, Guv”!

This week, following the announcement the celebrity couple are to separate in the wake of more lurid revelations, Cole’s camp has resorted to attempting to pin the blame for his serial infidelity on his mother-in-law, Joan Callaghan, who moved into their nine-bedroom, £6 million mansion shortly after the footballer was first accused of cheating on his pop star wife two years ago.

A source close to 29-year-old Cole was quoted yesterday as saying: “He said they used to have a spontaneous and fresh sex life, but with her mother in the house it was extremely difficult. And when they were both at home Cheryl would stay up watching TV with her mum while he went to bed. It’s a bit of a passion killer to have your mum in the house. Ashley said their sex life had dwindled to virtually nothing. He knows he is to blame, but the marriage was not great.”

Husbands – and wives too, of course – will go to all sorts of lengths to wriggle out of accusations of adultery and, then, when all else fails, try to turn the tables so that the wronged spouse is made to feel guilty instead.

As divorce lawyers, we see these kinds of tactics all the time – and you don’t need a degree in psychology to see through the smokescreen. What can be more difficult, however, is to convince clients that their other half’s half-baked excuses simply don’t add up. Someone who wants to hold on to their marriage may be all too ready to accept their partner’s “explanation” rather than face up to the truth. But, as Cheryl Cole has discovered to her cost, refusing to believe a partner has cheated or forgiving them for doing so doesn’t necessarily make for a happy ending. Someone who has strayed once is more likely to stray again in future.

Even more difficult is to help clients understand they are not to blame for their partner’s infidelity. Someone whose self-esteem has already been shattered by the realisation their other half has bedded someone else can too easily be made to believe that they – not the errant spouse – were at fault. “If only I hadn’t been so involved with my job or the kids, my husband wouldn’t have cheated” is a typical lament.

Cheryl Cole claims not to have seen a divorce lawyer thus far, but I suggest she does so very soon. Not only will a dedicated matrimonial solicitor be able to point her in the right legal direction, he or she will be able to help her look at her disintegrated marriage more objectively: someone outside the close circle of family and friends is more able to see the wood rather than only the trees.

Divorce and separation are never easy, but a first-rate divorce lawyer can help to limit the fallout, not just financially but also emotionally. Divorce may rob you of a husband or wife, but it need not take away your self-esteem.