If you watched the latest
series of The Apprentice, which ended
on Sunday, you will be familiar with contestant Lorraine Tighe, a 37-year-old
single mother of two daughters, who narrowly missed out on a place in the
final.
In the penultimate episode,
Lorraine told Sir Alan Sugar she had gone through some tough times in her life,
one being that her husband had left her “suddenly”.
We don’t, of course, know
the details of what happened in this particular case, but to have your partner
walk out without warning, in some cases without explanation, is often a
devastating experience. Knowing your marriage is coming to an end is difficult
enough to cope with, but seeing someone up and go when you didn’t even realise
there was a problem can be shattering.
Sadly, this is a not
uncommon occurrence. There are many reasons why a partner leaves suddenly, but
a common one is that they haven’t been able to admit how they feel and try to
work things through. Some people think that effectively disappearing into the
night will make the break swifter and cleaner.
What such circumstances in
fact do is to heap further trauma on to the spouse left behind. On top of the distress
of their marriage having broken down, the deserted partner is also left to
struggle with feelings of bewilderment, disbelief and abandonment.
Such emotional upheaval can
leave people unable almost to function properly, let alone make decisions about
what to do next.
My advice to anyone who
finds themselves in this extremely painful situation is to not make any
decisions that are not absolutely necessary. Almost no one will be able to
think rationally and it’s imperative to let some time pass before starting to
make plans for the future.
That said, having people to
talk to can afford a crumb of comfort and a dedicated divorce lawyer – who,
perhaps unlike family and friends, will have encountered such situations before
– can offer that. Going to see a matrimonial solicitor in the first, raw stages
of your spouse’s sudden departure does not mean you are making any decision
about how to move forward. It can simply be a means of offloading your
confusion and unhappiness on to the shoulders of someone who will understand.
A specialist divorce lawyer will also be able to give advice on any issues, such as access to children, which need to be dealt with in the short-term. This can be helpful, as practical arrangements and legal rights are often areas that people in this situation feel most unable to face.

