On the face of it, a “divorce fair” might seem an incongruous idea. Fairs, after all, are usually jolly, carefree events.
Yet the UK’s first such fair – officially called the Starting Over Show – held in Brighton last weekend focused on the positive side of relationship break ups and life crises. Practical help, including legal advice, childcare-friendly business ideas, therapies such as reflexology and health and makeover tips were all on offer at the event.
Organiser Susie Miller, who has been through a divorce, said she wished that each of the 140,000 or so marriage breakdowns every year in the UK could be, as far as possible, “collaborative and healthy”.
While many divorces are anything but “collaborative and healthy”, the fact is that for a lot of people, divorce spells the beginning of a fresh, exciting era in their lives. One visitor to the show, who had recently ended her 35-year marriage, was quoted as saying: “After years as wife and mother I’m beginning to think for myself again.” This may seem like a small detail, but many people emerging from a long, unsatisfactory relationship find that, beyond the pain, there is a bright new world out there.
To get to it, however, some people need more help than others: simply gritting your teeth and getting on with it, it can be beneficial to seek support and advice. Paula Hall, a relationship psychotherapist with Relate, an exhibitor at the fair, said: “I think as a concept it’s a really, really good idea. I think we are accepting divorce more but perhaps losing an understanding of the pain and complication that comes with it. There is a bit of a myth that because it’s happening more often, it’s becoming easier to do.”
That is certainly true. But it’s also the case that because divorce is associated with so many negative connotations it’s sometimes hard to understand that it can be the best thing to happen to someone. While most partings are emotionally difficult and often financially fraught, once the process is completed people are able to “start over” and lead the life they want.
That is why I believe a divorce fair has to be a good thing: not only does it provide people with practical assistance and emotional support, it sends out a message that divorce is not so much one door closing as another, bigger door opening. Let’s hope we see more such events across the country in the months and years to come.