By Sylvie Sarabia

I feel terribly happy most of the time: I love life. But my contentment has been hard-won. My marriage to a Spanish footballer broke down following the death of our young daughter.

So when I see clients who are in a very dark place, I know how they are feeling. But I also know that however dreadful something is, nothing stays the same forever.

What I say to people is “always listen to advice – you don’t have to take it”. Similarly, I advise clients to take opportunities that present themselves on the basis that you can always walk away. When you’re going through divorce or separation, you might not know your own mind, which is why it’s a good idea to take an opportunity that presents itself, however you may view it at the time.

Things do work out and resolve themselves. Even the bleakest times don’t last; nothing stays the same. I can now look back on my marriage and say that it made me stronger. I coped healthily with what happened to me and I have more confidence as a result. Today, I am able to remember the positive aspects of my marriage. I don’t regret the marriage. It’s made me who I am today.

I believe that have having a goal or ambition is the secret to happiness. So, for example, a wife might be reluctant to take a job because she fears it will affect her maintenance payments, or a husband might want to wind down his business so he doesn’t have to pay his wife as much in a settlement, but it’s important to look to your long-term future.

One of the key things divorce teaches you is that you can never need nor depend on anyone else again. You can be self-reliant, even if you subsequently remarry. And that’s very empowering.

Grasping new opportunities and learning to be self-reliant help you channel negative feelings, such as anger, into something constructive. It hardens you up and stops you feeling sorry for yourself.

I realised how successful I’d been in doing this when, six years after we parted, my ex-husband asked for a reconciliation.

I was at my parents’ house, eating fish and chips, when, completely out of the blue, he ‘phoned me up and asked me to go back. It was at that point that I realised I was over the broken marriage.

• Sylvie is an associate solicitor with Benussi & Co, specialising in ancillary relief