Have you just returned from a half-term
holiday break? If so, maybe you opted for a camping trip in the
If your marriage wasn’t going well when you went away
for half-term, it may be suffering even more now you’re home. You could be
thinking, “well, if we can’t even enjoy a holiday together, what hope is there
for us?”
Before you write off your relationship, however, take
time to understand why holidays can
be a trigger for divorce or separation and what you can do to avoid
it.
Even sun-drenched breaks in idyllic surroundings can
be fraught affairs, especially if a couple are going through a rocky patch or
aren’t used to spending much time together, so shivering under canvas in pouring
rain with squabbling kids can put enormous strain on a less-than-perfect
relationship.
Because people tend to have high expectations of
holidays, there’s more scope for disappointment. Flight chaos, poor hotel
accommodation and gloomy weather can all take the shine off a trip
away.
Strange though it may sound, boredom, too, can be a
problem. If your everyday life is a frantic whirl of juggling work, childcare
and domestic chores, relaxation doesn’t necessarily come easily. Men, in
particular, can struggle to unwind and switch off from the office. Faced with
only each other (and maybe the kids) for company, couples can quickly run out of
things to talk about.
Some people don’t put enough thought into the type of
holiday they arrange – perhaps putting cost before whether the holiday is
actually the kind that everyone will enjoy – and this also can be a source of
strife.
With the summer holidays not far away, it might be a
good idea to start planning your next sojourn now, and with great attention to
detail, so as to avoid the pitfalls that can send a faltering marriage over the
edge. Here are a few tips:
- Work out the
maximum amount of money you can afford to spend and think about what kind of
holiday that will buy you
- Sound out your
partner and kids about what sort of vacation they want, but take care to
include what you want,
too
- If there’s a lack
of consensus, try to arrange a holiday that incorporates everyone’s wish-list.
For instance, if you like lounging on a beach but your other half enjoys
looking at ancient ruins, plan in a bit of both. Alternatively, suggest your
partner goes off sightseeing while you laze around on the
sand
- If you and your
spouse fancy some time alone together, but you have children, choose a hotel
that has a good kids’ club
- If you’re worried
you and your spouse won’t get along well by yourselves, suggest going away
with friends to take the pressure off
- Don’t imagine a
holiday, however exotic, will rejuvenate a tired or struggling marriage. It
may do – but equally it may not. The higher your expectations, the greater
capacity for disappointment
- Plan carefully
what you will do when you’re away. Research places of interest to visit, make
sure you’ve got a pile of good books to read (I always take books I’ve read
before because I know I’ll enjoy them) and be sure to have enough money to
take advantage of water sports or other activities on offer
- Don’t compromise too far: if you can only afford a week in a caravan in Bognor, but really don’t fancy it, don’t do it. You’ll find it much more relaxing and enjoyable to stay at home pottering or going on a few day trips instead