The end of the long summer holidays is one of two annual "flashpoints" (the other being Christmas) that can trigger divorce. Matrimonial lawyers are at their busiest in September as unhappy couples who have struggled through a miserable family holiday finally decide to call time on their marriage.

Once you've taken the difficult decision to get divorced, the next consideration is how to make the split as civil and painless as possible for the sake of everyone involved. If the parting is rancorous, this is a tough call, but there are ways to ensure that the process is less fraught and peppered with mud-slinging than it might otherwise be.

The first thing to do is to hire a good divorce lawyer. This might seem obvious, but many people don't give enough thought to who they consult and simply flick through the Yellow Pages to find a conveniently-located high street solicitors practice. Others may make a choice purely on the basis of how much - or, rather, how little - a firm charges for its services.

If you want your divorce to be a "good" one, it is crucial to employ a lawyer who is on your side and is able and willing to offer you the necessary time and expertise. However, "being on your side" shouldn't equate to a solicitor whose modus operandi is to stir up further animosity and confrontation between you and your estranged partner. Too many divorces that start off "amicably" deteriorate into outright warfare because of the way the legal process is handled. Protracted, bitter wrangling over child, property and pension issues and arguments over who-did-what-to-whom risks turning your divorce into a messy and traumatic process that will leave a nasty taste in your mouth and make it harder for you to move on and start your life afresh.

A good divorce lawyer should also be, if not quite an amateur psychologist, at least an empathetic figure who understands the many facets of relationship breakdown and their likely repercussions. Many people are, understandably, in poor emotional shape at a time like this, so a sympathetic solicitor who can offer a shoulder to cry on as well as practical advice and an insight into how life can – and will – get better is worth their weight in gold.

Getting the best financial settlement is, of course, important, but emerging from the divorce process feeling well looked after, confident and optimistic about the future is even more so. For that reason alone, it is vital to think carefully before choosing which lawyer to hire.