Divorce is probably one of the most painful experiences anyone ever goes through. I’m always surprised when people in the midst of a marriage break-up tell me they ‘have to be strong and just keep going’ for the sake of the children or that they are keeping their feelings under control so nobody know how much they are hurting inside. Some people even claim not to be upset at all.

However, I’ve been there and I know what it feels like – divorce feels like a personal attack. Although I’m a divorce lawyer, I found the process very difficult to cope with.

Even if you want the divorce, it will still have a profound effect on you, because it marks the end of what was probably the most intense and intimate relationship of your life. Many marriages are based on mutual dependency and when they unravel you are left feeling very, very vulnerable. You are closing the door on a relationship that was physically, mentally and emotionally deep. You are saying goodbye to someone who was your best friend, lover and confidante.

All of a sudden, the person with whom you once shared your innermost secrets is like a stranger. You start to see them through new eyes – perhaps, for the first time, as they really are – and yet they walk off with part of you. How can anyone go through that process and not feel ragged?

People frequently tell me that their divorce is not affecting them and that they are ‘over’ the emotional rawness. When I hear this I can’t help but feel that they are in denial.

At the other end of the spectrum is the devastated spouse who can’t cope with the fact their marriage has fallen apart. To these clients I usually recommend a few sessions of counselling or life coaching. Better to spend some money on pouring out your feelings to a professional than to cry on your friends’ shoulders week in, week out. Friends are partisan; they are on your side. Yet because of this they are probably not the best people on which to off-load your anguish. Counselling, generally, is a good idea. It might be a daunting process for some, but it’s also a luxurious one. A counsellor is someone who will listen to you and try to help you through your emotional journey.

I would also recommend counselling or life coaching to those people who claim to be ‘cool’ about their divorce. They may be ‘over’ the relationship; they may be doing fine on the surface, but divorce – even the most amicable – is a life-changing experience. Whatever your feelings – from devastation to relief – it is a good idea to talk about them to a professional.