One of the things I encounter fairly regularly in my job is one half of a couple – usually the woman – contemplating a new career in counselling. This is particularly common among wives who have devoted much of their adult lives to bringing up a family and, once the family has flown the nest, need something “meaningful” to fill the emotional void.

My heart always sinks when I hear someone say their other half is thinking about training as a counsellor or therapist because my immediate reaction is, “you’re going to end up divorced then.”

This is because counselling training involves looking deep within yourself, and for a lot of people that entails dissecting their relationship with their spouse. Too often it will throw into sharp relief the all the things that are wrong with the marriage. Once you start focusing on the negative aspects of a relationship, it is all too easy to lose sight of the positive bits.

Although many divorcees will vouch for the benefits of ending a marriage, there are plenty of downsides, too. A majority of couples have a lot to lose by deciding to go their separate ways.

Just as there is no such thing as the “perfect” marriage, so there are many relationships that are quite difficult. Nevertheless, even difficult marriages can have their positive aspects. An important question couples need to ask themselves is: is my marriage so dreadful that I need to get out or am I able to tolerate the relationship?

I speak not as a marriage guidance counsellor but as a lawyer. In other words, I know how much people stand to lose when they decide to get divorced – the family home, half their pension, regular contact with the children to name just a few.

My feeling is that some couples don’t make enough effort to maintain their commitment to each other. The fact is that many problems people face are fairly easily overcome or at least alleviated. For example, a wife may build up a great deal of resentment towards her partner because he comes home from work tired and irritable not inclined to spend time with the children, who, in turn, play up in order to get their father’s attention. Making small adjustments – Dad making an effort to connect with the kids, even if it’s only for half an hour; Mum calming the children down before he gets home – can create a sea change. Often couples fail to recognise the contribution the other makes to the relationship and family life, which is why resentment starts to seep in.

There are many ways a relationship can be improved – from making a date to go out together once a month or having a weekend away without the kids – and those improvements, however small, can sometimes be enough to prevent a couple from deciding upon divorce – and losing far more than they gain.