One in five married people is in love with someone
other than their partner – most likely a friend or work colleague.
These rather unromantic statistics come from a survey
of 3,000 people, which also found that one in four is not entirely happy in
their present relationship. Even those extremely content with their spouse
admitted to sometimes having feelings for someone else – 50 per cent say
they’ve been attracted to or felt affection for a third party. One in six of
those who fall for another will embark on an affair.
One in 25 people questioned for the study, carried out
by www.OnePoll.com, said they had been in
love with someone else for more than five years and one in 50 said they had
loved another for as long as they could remember. Furthermore, 29 per cent of
men and 19 per cent of women claimed they were planning to leave their partner.
The poll, published this week, has received widespread
press coverage, but I don’t find the results all that surprising. The fact is
that dissatisfaction with life is pretty widespread in our society – and that
extends to relationships.
What’s more, people are marrying much later than they
used to – so by the time they walk down the aisle they’re likely to have a few
relationships under their belts – and lingering affection in their hearts. Once
the honeymoon period is over and the marriage becomes less than exciting, it’s not
unusual for people to hark back to previous romances – particularly those that
never reached the humdrum stage – and wonder if perhaps they wouldn’t be
happier with those lost loves. It’s human nature to yearn for what we don’t
have and the past is often viewed through rose-coloured spectacles.
It is also easy to imagine you are “in love” with
someone other than your partner when in fact you just harbour lustful thoughts
about them. A charismatic work colleague or the spouse of a friend can seem a
much more exciting proposition than the person with whom you share the domestic
chores.
In my years as a matrimonial lawyer, I have seen many
people leave their partners for a “fling”, only to find that once the headiness
was over, there was no substance to the relationship. Even many of those whose
affairs become lasting relationships aren’t necessarily happier with their new
loves than they were with the old.
So if you are fantasising about the person on the other
side of the office or hankering for a past lover, try to put it into
perspective and don’t assume your current relationship isn’t good enough.
Instead of drooling over the memory of a former squeeze, remember their bad
points and why the relationship didn’t work out.
It’s far more constructive to appreciate the person
you’re with – and to enjoy the stability and companionship of a settled
relationship.
In my view, it’s entirely natural to be attracted to
other people – however content you are with your partner. Even if you’re not
particularly happy with your spouse, evidence has shown time and time again
that the grass is not usually greener on the other side.

