By Sue Leach
When clients who are going through a divorce voice their fears about how they will cope with “singledom”, I am able to give some reassurance. For I am single and I lead a very active and fulfilling social life.
Unlike my clients, I have never been married, but I have had relationships and I know there is a world of opportunities for those who have to start over again when they are no longer part of a couple.
When a relationship breaks down, it provides new possibilities: you can get up when you like and go to bed when you like, spend quality time with family and friends, eat what you want when you want and enjoy your financial independence. You are also free to expand your life in many ways.
Some time ago, I joined a walking club. Not only does it help me to keep fit and give me a sense of well-being, but it has also widened my social circle. I go walking most weekends and have a great time meeting people from all walks of life and visiting new places both locally and further afield. I am also a member of a running club and, although I am a relative newcomer to running, this gives me a happy, healthy outlook on life and the opportunity to forge new friendships.
Whilst I understand how daunting it can be for the newly-single to strike out on their own – especially those who have been in a long marriage – it can be done, by taking small steps at the beginning. One good way is to focus on your interests; for instance, if you like art, you could join an evening class or attend a painting course. Joining an activity or club with a friend may be less unnerving for those starting out on their own once again.
Pursuing an interest or hobby is not only satisfying in itself, it can serve to widen your social life.
Travel is something else I enjoy because I have no ties. Sometimes I travel with friends, but I also enjoy travelling as part of a group of independent holidaymakers. This develops your independence and broadens your horizons, which, in turn, boost your self-belief. I have met a wide range of interesting people on my travels to countries such as Egypt, India, Jordan and Tanzania – people who share my love of wildlife, culture and history. There are also specialist holiday companies which cater for single travellers, interest-based holidays and holidays for those travelling on their own with children.
But I also do things entirely on my own, such as going to the cinema or the theatre. The simple things in life can give great pleasure, too, such as a night in with a glass of wine, a favourite film or a telephone chat with a long-standing friend.
There are educational opportunities, as well, if you are newly-single. Maybe you gave up your educational or professional aspirations for a family: now you can think about reactivating them. Again, you can make small steps to begin with – joining an evening class, improving your literacy skills, studying for an NVQ or professional qualification. Returning to education or training can open up new career possibilities and give you motivation and self-assurance.
By seeking out new avenues and gaining confidence in yourself and your own abilities, you appear more interesting and attractive to others.
Whilst I am still hopeful Mr Right is out there somewhere, I am very much enjoying my life as a singleton doing things that I might not be able to do if I was married with a family.
- Sue Leach is a solicitor with Benussi & Co