
The start of the school summer term and for many
teenagers it will be their last. Once it’s over and their exams are out of the
way, they’ll be off to university or on a gap year abroad. Exciting prospects
for them – but a gloomy one for parents who dread their “babies” flying the
nest.
Empty Nest Syndrome has come to mean disenchanted
couples rattling around a house that’s too big for them and with nothing to say
to each other now the children aren’t around to provide topics of conversation.
Mothers who have devoted themselves to looking after
the kids’ every need can be hit especially hard when the house is suddenly
empty. Loneliness and a lack of purpose are common in this situation.
For couples whose relationship has been ailing for
some time, an empty nest is likely to magnify their problems. Without the
buffer of the kids, they are forced to confront the parlous state of their
marriage.
However, an empty nest is what you make it. Viewed
in a positive light, rather than a negative one, having your spouse to yourself
again can actually save a struggling marriage.
The author Fay Weldon, writing in a national
newspaper last year, pointed out that many women now have more in their lives
than domestic drudgery – so once the children have gone they have more freedom
to pursue their own interests without worrying about getting home to cook the
tea or whether the ironing’s been done. What’s more, couples can concentrate on
each other rather than being focused on the needs of the children.
“These days the mother is likely to have her own
career, and she'll probably be wanting the deserted bedroom for a proper office
at last (I'm writing this in my youngest son's former bedroom, it being the
warmest room in the house and now used as an overflow office). Or perhaps the
family, times being what they are, will need to take in a lodger to help pay
off bills,” she said.
“The father today, meanwhile, will be conscious
that these days women in their 50s are most likely to be the ones wanting a
divorce – better to start afresh now that they have their own income and might
even earn more than their husbands. So the men will be the ones on their best
behaviour.”
Miss Weldon also refers to the stress of having
teenagers around the house – the late night ‘phone calls requesting a lift
home, the stroppiness and the trail of dirty laundry.
“Kindly Mother Nature evolved teenagers to be such
a nuisance to parents that when they finally got to leave home, the parents
would be relieved rather than grieved, would pull together in mutual relief at
a job well done,” she wrote.
Researchers at the University of California agree
with the author’s point of view. They found that rather than leading to
dissatisfaction, loneliness and even divorce, Empty Nest Syndrome gives
husbands and wives the time and space to be and grow together. Relationships
can flourish rather than flounder.
So whilst it’s understandable to grieve for fledged
babies, it is also wise to grasp the opportunities an empty nest affords.
Research suggests that couples are happiest before children come along – which
means they can be just as happy again after the kids have left home.

